transitions

 

Cool mornings that glide into much warmer afternoons are marking this slower-than-usual passage into spring this year.

The light is getting lighter.

 

 

Preparations for graduation ceremonies are signposts that a significant change is coming for senior students.

Relationships start and relationships end.

Health levels fluctuate from frail to robust and back again.

Doors open and close.

It is as it has always been.

 

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Changes will occur without approval or acceptance but there are ways to prepare and to increase resilience through times of inevitable transition.

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1. Ground

Stress is natural during transitions so you can choose to normalize it and don’t stress about being stressed!  Sit still and get comfortable with discomfort so that it doesn’t topple you over in the winds of stormy days.

2. Practice

Weave calming strategies into the day so they come more naturally in times of stress. Simply stopping and taking three slow breaths at any time can bring more clarity and calmness.  Notice your reactions to stressful situations and get curious about them.

3. Visualize

Consider what might you need as you move through times of change and visualize yourself having all that you will need once you get where you are going.  Think abundance over scarcity. Then notice where those resources are available to you right now.

4. Connect

Don’t go it alone! There are others who will support you or even just walk alongside you as you go through tough transitions. Keep your eyes open for those helpers, because they are always there.

 

 

Being ready for right now is the best way to be ready for tomorrow.

 

 

behind the drama curtain

 

The pace was summer slow on this particular day when my sister and I wandered through the grocery store near her home.

nature's bounty

 

Once we agreed that we had all we came for, my sister indicated that she was going to go through the self-check lane with her items. Without even taking a breath, I scrunched up my nose and told her that I was going to go through the express lane where a tired-looking cashier was distractedly checking out a customer in front of me. “The self-check option is too stressful”. My sister lifted her eyebrows, twisted her face incredulously at me and said,

Seriously! How do you make it through the day?”

I am peculiarly sensitive to stress and work hard to avoid it even though I absolutely know that some stress is completely natural and even beneficial for me.

But what was interesting to me was how reactionary I was to this insignificant event and so unaware of the process behind the scenes.  It led me to consider how indicative my quick and unprocessed reaction was of how I handle more compelling situations that hold more meaning.

In this case, I had a whole story-line worked out behind the curtain of my mini-drama. The story starts with how hard my life had been recently, as all my stories do.

When I eventually stopped, took a breath and looked deeper, I discovered a voice behind the choice. The voice informed me that I was burned out from work, that I had had a tiring drive through too much traffic and construction, that I was in an unfamiliar grocery store and that a negative self-check incident from my past would forever be repeated so it was best to just avoid it for the rest of my life.

All of that silent and not-nearly rational chaos came out in a clear declaration from me that I was making a conscious decision about a simple check-out lane.  This minor incident is neither here nor there but what happens during more serious events and difficult situations?

What beliefs lie behind the big and small choices we make? What beliefs inform each of our thoughts, words, emotions and actions? And how do those unexamined beliefs lead to further complications in our lives, if left unexamined?

What is really happening behind these common experiences?

  • Numbness
  • Bravado
  • Resistance
  • Self-sabotage
  • Chronic irritability
  • Temper flares ups
  • Irrational fears and phobia
  • Physical symptoms
  • Stuck in a rut
  • Perfectionism
  • Procrastination
  • Panic

Thoughts, words, emotions and actions that stem from the above are like your car’s indicator lights. The lights come on to get our attention and to let us know that there is a deeper issue to be addressed. Ignoring the indicator lights or focusing only on them are not useful, long-term solutions. The light remains lit and keeps blinking while the underlying problem continues, undiagnosed and untreated. The logical solution is to lift the hood, shine a light on the inside and put what you find in there to the test.

Once we examine the beliefs behind the choices we make, we can be more certain that we are living consciously, with more awareness and a greater level of resilience to life’s stresses.

On Sunday, August 10th, I’ll be facilitating a Building Personal Resilience workshop at Queen Street Yoga in Kitchener, Ontario to explore how the beliefs behind your drama curtain may be impacting your life choices and experiences . You will leave with practical strategies that you can implement even before you leave the workshop.  Join me, if you can!

the beauty of berries

 

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the right tool for the job

 

I have a quirky trait of stubbornly “making do” when faced with a task requiring a specific tool. My resistance rises with even the thought of purchasing a tool when I think that I may have an object that was made for a different purpose but will do in a pinch within arms reach. This approach has always seemed simpler, more practical and oh-so-much-more efficient than the alternative of the time-guzzling acts of browsing, shopping, listing pros and cons of which one is the best to buy, spending money on then cleaning, storing and organizing all the tools until the end of time! Doth she protest too much? Methinks so.

 

Beyond my issues with the traumas of shopping, and my still firm desire to just get the job done effectively and efficiently, I am growing in my appreciation for the wisdom of using the right tool for the job.

Despite our love affair with our minds and the wonders they perform, when it comes to emotions and moods, the mind and its incredible ability to problem-solve external situations is precisely the wrong tool for this type of internal work.

Emotions are not problems to be solved. They exist to be felt. Why then do we feel the need to enlist our minds into action, to swoop in heroically and solve our problem of unhappiness, disappointment, fear, anxiety, anger or depression? The answer is because we don’t like to feel uncomfortable and will numb ourselves to these signpost emotions that we’re off our path.

Instead of feeling the emotions, we question why life is hard for us but so easy for everyone else. We wonder why we can’t seem to just get over our hurt and resentment quickly. We speculate on what we did to deserve the pain. And we ruminate on the darkness of our lives thereby increasing the gap from where we are to where we think we want to be.

Trying to “solve” emotional issues through thinking is like digging the trench deeper. The deeper we dig the trench, the more accustomed we become living in a trench and it then becomes a future platform for the unproductive process of thinking through our feelings.

There is a way out of the self-built trench that may include professional intervention but could also be supported by:

  • Taking our minds off the pedestals
  • Remaining keenly aware of our mind’s desire to be in charge
  • Developing a practice of sitting with overwhelming emotions
  • Noticing when our mind tries to hijack the process

Our minds have their place but our vulnerable yet resilient inner workings deserve the use of the right tool for the job.

Thoughts?

 

 

 

why i love my job

 

Despite the many roles I play in life, I spend most of my days at a school.   With that comes moments of “are you sure you’re cut out for this line of work” only to be balanced  with “I am one of the fortunate ones to love the work I do“.  This often surprises me because I didn’t much like adolescence the first time so never would have guessed that I’d be working with this sub-species of humans.

Adolescence is a time of remarkable growth and change. As you may know, neuro-scientists, with the help of the MRI, have discovered that the teenage brain is still actively growing in complexity and efficiency. The most profound changes occur in the area that monitors judgement, decision-making, organization, impulse-control and, wait for it, emotion.  As if I needed to tell you that!

This is a terribly confusing but also incredible time for students, parents and teachers. The potential for unparalleled learning and deep connection is right there in that amazing mess called the adolescent mind.

But how do you reach students who, by their very wiring, struggle with self-regulation, question the value of learning how to learn, can’t quite seem to connect well with others or easily loses their way in the fog of anxious uncertainty?

The answer is with resilient support.

Resilience is the art of the elegant rebound. It means getting up at least one more time than you have fallen down. And this is precisely what the administration, faculty and staff do here at my school every day here. We reach out, share, coach, advise, explain, instruct, listen, inform, engage, encourage and, occasionally, we badger. But what we do not do, is give up.  Even against the odds.

No child is unreachable. No student is unteachable.

New neural connections in the teenage brain are being made all the time so we stay the course.  We witness the acts of bravado and fragility but trust that we will prevail if we compassionately continue to communicate the power:

• of developing the practical skills of ‘learning how to learn’ and organization

• of thinking deeply and reflectively about issues facing our community and world

• of cultivating self-awareness & self-care as a crucial springboard for compassionate relating

• of growing in radical self-responsibility

 

Resilience begins with these mighty basics. This level of resilient support is modeled and offered by our  whole community through:

 

the daily greeting of students at the front door by our principal each morning
teachers who know their students by name and most know siblings’ names, out-of-school extra-curricular activities and potentially even who the student is dating!
teachers who set high academic expectations but who also negotiate assignment extensions from a place of grace and understanding
• staff who tirelessly keep the wheels of this place moving day after day, creating a space conducive to community, learning and engaging with each other
guidance counsellors who sit with, walk alongside and dig deeper with students on key personal, academic and post-secondary issues
• a Resource Centre with a vision for grounding students in the life-long strategies of learning, helping students grow in academic self-confidence and provide academic accommodations to help all learners start the race of learning at the starting line

 

We don’t give up and we don’t go away.

Resilient support for students with brains and emotions in flux.  That is what we do here. All of us together.  And because we do this even when we face personal or corporate setbacks, this is why I love my job.